Stop being friends with your pastor.

23 04 2008


Seriously. Stop it.

Stop the phone calls.
Stop the Hallmark cards.
Stop the invites to cookouts and graduations.

Stop being friends with the “pastor” and just be friends with the person.

Do you really like him? Is she the type of person that you’d vacation with if she weren’t the “head honcho”? Ask yourself if you’d take the time to bake the cookies if he or she worked at the Supermarket or at the office.

You see, sooner or later the truth comes out. And it hurts. It hurts to realize that relationships you thought were forged in the furnace of love turn out to be cheap imports. It hurts when people who stood by you as the pastor, sit indifferent when you’re not. It hurts when the ‘friends’ who called everyday won’t pick up the phone when you have no more offer.

What we need—what we all need, is to love and to be loved. When we befriend a person because they are “kind of a big deal”, or because they get invited to all the right parities, or because they have a nice fishing boat we’re not loving them…the only person we love is our self.

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4 responses

23 04 2008
Scott Fillmer

Great post. I have often thought this was the case throughout the years, and as with anything else, any other relationship anywhere, it should be based in truth.

I was, what I consider a friend, to a pastor at a very small church a while back. We would, throughout the week, chew the theological fat, and I noticed all during the week, he always had someone stopping by to give him a book.

His book shelf was FULL of unread books because he couldn’t read them fast enough (and he was a fast reader) but that is what people did to engage him I guess.

2 05 2008
Anonymous

And what about when the Pastor stands by you as Pastor, but seems indifferent when he’s not…w/no explanation. That’s confusing and hurtful to His Kingdom as well. Kids def don’t get this. What a waste that both ends are hurt.

14 05 2008
Shawn Hinds

Yes, I have to agree that it hurts both ways. Its not nice when a pastor only cares for you when you are doing for the church and when your not you dont even exist! How is that right ? Aren’t we suppose to be walking as Jesus walks, love each other , care about one another!!! When it becomes about the prestige and not about the person then we lose sight of the whole reason each one of us exist! The worst part of this is that we all walk away with a broken heart. God wants us to change this, not to continue this path . I say lets break the chains , take a different path and love each other just for who we are!!

16 05 2008
rjschaefer

I love when Shawn said, “When it becomes about the prestige and not about the person then we lose sight of the whole reason we exist!” The prestige thing goes both ways for sure. When we are friends with someone because of what they can do for ‘us’ we are selfishly using that person. Dialogue church exists because every person is inherently valuable. Every individual matters. We invite them into the conversation, not merely for their good, but for everyone’s good–not just because they need us but because we need each other. We are stronger together than we are apart!

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